Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.

It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup.

It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.


******************************************************************

A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari.

A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari.

Policemen arrives.

Man:- (cried) Officer! My brand new car!

Police replied:- You?re suchmaterialistic.

You even haven?t notice that your left arm has been cut off.

Man-: He looks at his left arm and yells

OMG! My Rolex watch!.



*********************************************

Son: I Dont Want To Go School Ma! All The Teachers Think I Am Stupid

Son: I Dont Want To Go School Ma!

All The Teachers Think I Am Stupid

and

The Kids Hate Me.

Mom:no! You Should Go, Because You Are The

Principal

*****************************************************************************

A cockroachs last words to a man who wanted to kill it :

This one is classic !!


A cockroachs last words to a man who wanted to kill it :


Go ahead and kill me, you coward.


You are just jealous because


I can scare your wife and you cannot..!





******************************************************

Teacher : Whoever Answers My Next Question,Can Go Home.

Teacher : Whoever Answers My Next Question, Can Go Home.


A Boy Throws His Bag Out Through The Window.


Teacher: Who Threw The Bag ?


Boy : Me . . . I'm Going Home.












*****************************************************************

A Boy after having great time with GF he saw a guys photo in Her bag,

A Boy after having great time with GF he saw a guys photo in Her bag,


asked is he your Ex-BF ??


GF kissed him, said no its me before surgery...












*****************************************************************

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?


Bunty: MS Excel


Lucky: MS Word


Bittu: MS Powerpoint


Pappu after thinking a lot, MS Dhoni












*****************************************************************

1st Man: Which Is The Best Month To Get Married..?

1st Man: Which Is The Best Month To Get Married..?

2nd Man: Octemb ruary..

1st Man: Don't Be Silly,There Is No Such Month..

2nd Man: Exactly. . .












*****************************************************************

Wife : I think?.Husband : ?Exactly !!!

Wife : I think?.

Husband : ?Exactly !!!

Wife : But I haven't said anything yet !!!

Husband : Doesn?t matter. You are RIGHT?.!

Happy International Peace Day
















*****************************************************************

HR ? There is a 2 years gap on your CV !

HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV !


Candidate ? I was in jail



HR - Why?



Candidate:- I killed the guy who told me : we will call you back



HR :- Welcome on board, you have the Job
















*****************************************************************

Question ?Who is better?.?? Wife or sister

Question ?Who is better?.?

Wife or sister


Heart touching award winning answer:


Wife?s sister
















*****************************************************************

A Woman Returned Home On Evening And Asked Her New Maid

A Woman Returned Home On Evening And Asked Her New Maid,

Woman: Did You Clean Out The Refrigerator As I Told You?

Maid: Yes, Mam, And Everything Was Very Tasty
















*****************************************************************

Record breaking - 1 million idea connections sold in just 3 days due to

Record breaking - 1 million idea connections sold in just 3 days due to


one simple printing mistake of one word in the idea slogan


Idea can change your WIFE
















*****************************************************************

Cute Girlfriend : My Heart Is Like Moble and You Like a Sim Card..!

Cute Girlfriend : My Heart Is Like Moble and You Like a Sim Card..!


Boyfriend : I Am Very Happy.!


Girlfriend :don't Be Too Happy..


if I Get a New Offer , I Will Change the Sim Card..














****************************************************************

akhil: Madam, Can I Go To The Bathroom?

akhil: Madam, Can I Go To The Bathroom?


Madam corrected that wrong sentence: May I Go To The Bathroom?


akhil: But I Asked First














****************************************************************

Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk

Anna: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk

and gained twenty pounds in a week.



Ben: That's impossible. Whose baby?


Anna: An elephant's.














****************************************************************

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant, "Are you single?"

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant, "Are you single?"


I happily replied, "Yes..."


She took away the extra chair in front of me













****************************************************************

A Man Was Going In His Ferrari Suddenly Had An Accident.

A Man Was Going In His Ferrari Suddenly Had An Accident.

The Car Was Totally Wrecked But Some How The Man Was Safe.

Policemen Arrives

Man Cried: Officer, My Brand New Car.

Officer: You Are Such A Materialistic Sir, You Even Havent Notice

That Your Left Arm Has Been Cut Off.

Man Looks At His Left Arm And Yells: Oh My God! My Rolex Watch.













****************************************************************

Raju To Boss: I Got To Definitely Have A Salary Increase,

Raju To Boss: I Got To Definitely Have A Salary Increase,

Three Other Companies Are After Me

Boss: Really? Which Are The Three Companies?


Raju: The Electricity Company, The Telephone Company And The Gas Company












****************************************************************

Teacher: who will tell the chemical formula of water?

Teacher: who will tell the chemical formula of water?


One student: Its h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o.


Teacher: What is this?


Student: Mam, yesterday you told us that it is H to O !!



**************************************

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke?

A: I have the perfect son.


B: Does he smoke?


A: No, he doesn't.


B: Does he drink whiskey?


A: No, he doesn't.


B: Does he ever come home late?


A: No, he doesn't.


B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?


A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.




********************************************************

Sister : where does all the rain water go

Sister : where does all the rain water go?



Brother (irritated) : it goes to my head




Sister : now i know why you always have a running nose










********************************************************************

Boy: My Fathers name is LAUGHING and my Mothers name is SMILING.

Boy: My Fathers name is LAUGHING and my Mothers name is SMILING.



Teacher: You must be Kidding?



Boy: No, that's my brother. I am JOKING.










********************************************************************

Wife:Our servant has stolen the silver spoon.

Wife:Our servant has stolen the silver spoon.



Husband:Which one?



Wife:one which we stole from hotel.










********************************************************************

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing one is green?

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing one is green


and one is blue with red spots !



PAPPU: Yes it's really strange.



I have got another pair just like that at home.










********************************************************************

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours.



Do you want to see any one before you die?.



Patient : Yes. A good doctor










********************************************************************

What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?


A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.










********************************************************************

A Boy texts a girl Boy: Hey! Girl: Hi! What u doing??

A Boy texts a girl Boy: Hey!



Girl: Hi! What u doing?



Boy: texting the most beautiful girl in the world.



Girl: Aww How cute!



Boy: Ya! But She is not replying, so m texting U










********************************************************************

A Husband Asks His Wife, Will You Marry After I Die?

A Husband Asks His Wife, Will You Marry After I Die?

The Wife Responds, No, I Will Live With My Sister.

The Wife Asks Him Back, Will You Marry After I Die?

The Husband Responds, No, I Will Also Live With Your Sister.

********************************************************************************

People Usually Say There Is No Difference Between Complete and Finish

People Usually Say There Is No Difference Between Complete and Finish.

But There Is

When You Marry The Right One, You Are Complete.

And When You Marry The Wrong One, You Are Finished.

And When The Right One Catches You With The Wrong One, You Are Completely Finished!

*************************************************************************************

1 property dealer gives an ads for Lake View Flats in Kolkata

1 property dealer gives an ads for Lake View Flats in Kolkata.

When pappu bought that Flat He found something elese insted of Lake View.

Property dealer called to Pappu to change Flat.

Pappu said - I do want to change Flats.

Infact there is College Girls Hotel View in place of Lake View.

******************************************************************

Ramesh In A Interview. Interviewer: Imagine, In A Closed Room

Ramesh In A Interview.

Interviewer: Imagine, In A Closed Room, How Can You Escape If It Caught Fire?

Ramesh: Simple, Stop Imagining

******************************************************************

In A Bar 1 Guy Says To Another: I Kissed Your Mom Last Night

In A Bar 1 Guy Says To Another: I Kissed Your Mom Last Night

Whole Bar Was Waiting For The Other Guy?s Response.

He Laughs And Says: Lets Go Home Dad, You Are Drunk Now

*****************************************************

Maths Madam To Pappu: If You Have 12 Chocolates And You Give 5 To Leena

Maths Madam To Pappu: If You Have 12 Chocolates And You Give 5 To Leena,

3 To Teena And 4 To Meena, Then What Will You Get?

Pappu: 3 New Girl Friends

*********************************************************************

Question: Why Do Indian Married Women Have That

Question: Why Do Indian Married Women Have That Red Dot On Their Forehead?

Answer: Because They?re Recording Everything

*****************************************************************

wife to husband : doctor advised me for bed rest 1 month in a beautiful foreign country

wife to husband : doctor advised me for bed rest 1 month in a beautiful foreign country

so where we will go ?

Husband : we will go to a new doctor.

*************************************************************

Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave? Man: Well, about

Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?

Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.

Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?

Man: No, I am a barber.

*******************************************

A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor

A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor.

Which will reach down first?
.
.
Ans:The Pizza,as it's fast food!

*****************************************************************************