My girlfriend's birthday is in two days. And she

My girlfriend's birthday is in two days.

And she told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring".

So I bought her nothing!


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Teacher: Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up

Teacher: Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!

*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny you think you're stupid?

Little Johnny: No... I just feel bad that you're standing alone.



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A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and

A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and announced, "Daddy, I'd like to get married."

His father replied hesitantly, "Sure, son, do you have anyone special in mind?"

"Yes", answered the boy. "I want to marry Grandma."

"Now, wait a minute", said his father. "You don't think I'd let you get married with my mother, do you?"

"Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine."



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Friend 1: How do you manage to look sp clam relaxed?

Friend 1: How do you manage to look sp clam relaxed?

Friend 2: That's because I always follow instructions from veda strictly to avoid tensions in life.

Friend 1: There are four vedas: which one do you follow?

Friend 2: "Veda" is my wife....





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A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"

The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

"Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"

The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."



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A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.

A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The railroad engineer replied.

How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?



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During a cold winter day a wife messaged

During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that "the Windows frozen".

Husband replied to "pour some warm water on them".

After a while husband received a message again

"No way, the computer is completely spoilt now"!

A child asked to his mother: Child: mom!

A child asked to his mother:

Child: mom! Can you give me some money?

His mom: why?

Child: I will give to a old man

His mom: well done! Okay, where is the old man?

Child: Momm.. He is at the end of the street... He is selling ice-cream





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Sam: Dear sir, I want to ask you something. Teacher: yes

Sam: Dear sir, I want to ask you something.

Teacher: yes Sam, ask me, what do you want?

Sam: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do?

Teacher: No Sam. Why should I?

Sam: Thank you sir. That's a relief. I haven't done the homework.






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