Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Breaking news- America advised North Korea

Breaking news- America advised North Korea

not to test any missile or bomb on New Year Eve

2018 coz people enjoy it as Fireworks.





















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When a married man says: I'll think about it

When a married man says:

"I'll think about it",

What he really means that,

He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet...





















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A man came home late at night after a party. His wife yelled:

A man came home late at night after a party.

His wife yelled:

"How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn't believe his luck: 'That would be great!'

Monday passed and he didnt see her.....

Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....

On thursday his swelling became better

And now he could see her from the

Corner of one eye....






















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Raju went to meet the 'father' of his GIRLFRIEND...

Raju went to meet the 'father' of his GIRLFRIEND...

Girl's father - I do not want my 'daughter' to spend her entire

'life' with a 'stupid' person...

Raju - Just uncle, so that's why I came to take him from here...!






















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A third world war may be coming and it’s starting from

A third world war may be coming and it?s starting from
-
-
News Channel
-
-
Be ready for World War III
-
-
It will first happen in News Channel studio....






















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Wife is a Memory Card , Husband is an ATM Card

Wife is a Memory Card;

Husband is an ATM Card;

Parents are PAN Card;

Girlfriend is a Debit Card;

Sister-in-law is a Recharge Card;

Child is an Identity Card;

But Friends are AADHAR Card - Bloody useful everywhere!




















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U are a BITCH............... B - Beautiful

U are a BITCH

B - Beautiful

I - Intelligent

T - Talented

C - Cute

H - Hilarious

Are You smiling now?

?

?

?

"YOU ARE REALLY BITCH"











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Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow

Teacher : Correct the sentence,

"A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

Student : "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field"

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.











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The main tension of parents nowadays..!!

The main tension of parents nowadays..!!

What their Son/Daughter download?.

But...But

What their daughters upload












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Sweet love proposal - Q 1:What do you call a mother in Marathi?

Sweet love proposal -

Q 1: What do you call a mother in Marathi?

Q 2: What's the name of Lord Rama's elder son?

Q 3: What's the style of Swami Narayan's 'Tilak'?
.
Answers:
1. I
2. Luv
3. U














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What’s the similarity between Income Tax

What's the similarity between Income Tax and a Caller Tune?

.

..

...

In both the cases, one pays the money and others enjoy.















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Two prisoners were waiting to be executed. Any last

Two prisoners were waiting to be executed. "Any last requests?" asked the jailer.

"Yes", replied one of the prisoners. "I love music; so before I die, could you play me something by Himesh Resham"

And the second prisoner said, "Please kill me first."
















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A man was summoned to his attorney’s office.

A man was summoned to his attorney?s office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"

the lawyer said."Give me the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a million dollars."

"That?s the bad news?" laughed the man.

"I can?t wait to hear the terrible news."

The terrible news is...

"The picture is of you and your secretary!"
















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Written On A Public Toilet Door. The Person Coming

Written On A Public Toilet Door.

The Person Coming In Next Is Not Interested In Knowing What You Had For Lunch, Dinner, Breakfast Etc,

.

.

.

So, Please Flush Properly.
















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When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.

Once old man asks:

When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.

But when a fifteen year married couple smile every wonders why..!!!
















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Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets?

Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets?

Passenger: Because if i lose one that second ticket will save me.

Conductor: what if you lose both?

Passenger: Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!!
















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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?

PAPPU: Well, where did

you get THIS mummy then?
















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Monday, April 16, 2018

A lady tourist went to a country on a vacation. In the evening

A lady tourist went to a country on a vacation.

 In the evening she was toddling on the beach.

 A security person came to her and said, ?

Mam only one-piece is allowed here.?

 The lady was awe, thinking which one to open.




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Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing

Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.

Utkarsh: "What are you doing these days?"

Sparsh: "PHD."

Utkarsh: "Wow! You're a doctor!"

Sparsh: "No, Pizza Home Delivery."





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My Time

पति : नारी का मतलब क्या है?

पत्नी : नारी का मतलब है शक्ति.

पत्नी : तो फिर पुरुष का मतलब क्या है?

पति : ‘सहन शक्ति’…


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टीचर  (पप्पू से) – “चल बता जेल को हिन्दी में “हवालात” क्यो कहते है ?”.

पप्पू – “सिम्पल है सर, क्यो कि वहा सिर्फ “हवा” और “लात” ही खाने को मिलती है :😂😂😂😂😂

टीचर :  गेट आउट😡😡😡😡



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😜😆😝😂
दो पंडितों में लड़ाई हो रही थी

उन्हें लड़ते बहुत देर हो गई।

तीसरा पंडित: क्या हुआ, क्यों लड़ाई कर रहे हो?

एक पंडित बोला,”जब मैं लहसुन, प्याज नहीं खाता

तो इस साले ने चिकन में डाला क्यों?”😳😳😡😂😂



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टीचर : कोई ऐसा व्यापार बताओ जो किसी भी जगह चल सकता है?

स्टूडेंट : दारू का ठेका श्मशान के अंदर भी खोल दो ,वहा भी चल जायेगा 😹😹🤘



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सांता; अगर दुनिया के सारे आदमियों  का चेहरा 1 जैसा होता तो क्या होता..?

बंता; वही होता.. जो गैस सिलेंडर का होता है, कभी इसके घर.. कभी उसके घर।

😃😄 😃😄 😃😄



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जज - तू तीसरी बार अदालत आया है..तुझे शर्म नही आती..?
😝😝

मुजरिम - साले तू तो रोज़ आता है तुझे तो डूब के मर जाना चाहिए।😳😳😳😝😝😝😝😂😂😂😝😂😝



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एक मच्छर तूफान
मे फँसा हुआ था
"
रास्ते मे एक पेड़ मिला
मच्छर पेड़ से लिपट गया
"
जब तूफान निकल गया
तो मच्छर पसीना पोंछते
"
हुए बोला- अगर आज मै नही होता तो
ये पेड़ गिर ही जाता.!!
😄😄😄😄




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एक बुढ़िया का दामाद बहुत हीं काला था ।
.
सास : दामाद जी आप तो 1 महीना यहाँ
रुको दूध, दही खाओ । मौज करो आराम से
रहो यहाँ । 😉
.
दामाद : अरे वाह सासु माँ आज बड़ा प्यार
आ रहा है मुझ पे । 😍
.
.
सास : अरे प्यार व्यार कुछ नहीं कलमुहे 😒
वो
हमारी भैंस का बच्चा मर गया , कम से कम
तुम्हे देख कर दूध तो देती रहेगी । 😁




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फिल्म “शोले” – जया बच्चन पूरी फिल्म में
लालटेन जलाती रहती हैं, क्योंकि गाँव में बिजली
नहीं है।
तो भाई ये बताओ कि वीरू जिस टंकी पर चढ़कर
मरने गया था उसमें बिना बिजली के पानी क्या
ठाकुर चढ़ाता था ???!!!🤔




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Management student kisses a girl. Girl-whats this?

Management student kisses a girl. Girl-whats this? Boy- its called DIRECT MARKETING. Girl slaps d boy Boy-what is this? Girl- this ...