Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Marriage Invitation

A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them...

1. Bride relatives
2. Groom relatives

He entered the groom door and found two doors again.

1. Ladies
2. Men

He entered men door and found two doors again.

1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts

He entered the second door (people without gifts )... He found himself outside the hotel





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Naughty Husband

A Young Couple Going to Attend A Function...

Wife: Wait for me honey, I'm just finishing my makeup.

Husband: You don't need makeup dear.

Wife: Oh, Its really? That is so sweet of you!

Husband: Just you need plastic surgery.





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Wife Can Easily Escape

Wife calls her husband and says, "Darling, the car is broken, it won't start."

Husband: "What?! It's in perfect order, what's wrong with it?"

Wife: "It's water in the carburetor, love."

Husband: "Oh no, where are you right now?"

Wife: "Um, in the little lake behind the house...."




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Son Reveals His Father's Secret

Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly yesterday night."

"Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out."

"Aha, I know why it isn't working then - the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again."



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How To Install Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0!

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1

What can I do?
Rgds
XWomenx




Reply :


Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command- ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 , then only it will automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Beer 6.1 or Whisky 6.8

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0 Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system. So please be careful!

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0


We recommend: Cooking 3.0

Good Luck Madam !
Rgds
Support Guy




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Couple Caught by Police in Park

Police: Park main aise tum duno kyun baithe ho..?
Man: Hum dono shaadi shuda hain.

Police: Toh ghar main baitho.
Man: Iska husband nahi manega...




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Honey, My Wife Is Off Tomorrow

Teacher makes a call to her Student to inform:
     "I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off."

The Student make a phone call to his Dad:
     "I'm off tomorrow, let's go Picnic!"

Dad makes phone call to his Secretory:
     "I'm busy tomorrow, let's date on next day!"

Secretory makes a phone call to her Husband:
     "Honey, I don't go business trip on tomorrow, let's hang out"

Husband makes a phone call to Teacher:
     "Honey my wife is off tomorrow, you don't come!"

Teacher makes a another call to her Student:
     Tomorrow we go to School as usual"




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Pappu Vs Somu

Pappu went to market along with Door.

Somu : Why you carrying door with you? Are you selling the door?

Pappu : Door lock is not working, so taking for repair

Somu : What if theives do robbery in your home?

Pappu : Door is with me, then how do they enter into my home... !!!

Somu shocks....Pappu rocks




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THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH IS INFINITE

I called my school friend, He said he was working on a special project
" Aqua-Thermal Treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium And Steel Under A Constrained Environment".

I was so impressed, later I realized that
Idiot was washing Utensils in warm water under the supervision of his Wife.

THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH IS INFINITE!



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Customer Calls A Tech Support Guy

Tech Support Guy:
Your Password is The Small Letter "a" as in apple, Capital Letter "V" as in Victor, and the number 7274.

Customer: Is the 7274 in Capital Letters?

Tech Support Guy fainted down.



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Wife and Husband Started dieting

Wife and Me Started dieting...

She said we could have a cheat day today...

She brought home KFC & I brought home my Secretary..

Women are so tough to understand...


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Naughty Kids

KENNY: My Dad is the most important person in this country because the President of Nigeria himself calls him every night

JUNIOR: What does your dad do?

KENNY: He's a Minister.

JUNIOR: Well, my dad is the most important person that even the President himself sits with his head bowed in front of my dad.

KENNY: Wow! What is does your dad do?

JUNIOR: He's a barber.



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Management student kisses a girl. Girl-whats this?

Management student kisses a girl. Girl-whats this? Boy- its called DIRECT MARKETING. Girl slaps d boy Boy-what is this? Girl- this ...